Poem: Writing

Writing

I struggle with picking my brain; scooping out thoughts laced within each other.
There are so many to choose, therefore I have nothing to say.
Untangling them in order to focus on one proves to be rather complicated.
That's what happens when your me.
Don't confuse it with being shy, it's more like being deep.
Sit with me awhile; provide me with some quiet encouragment.

As words appear in a ghostly form to hang before my eyes, ideas begin to materialize.
Sentences flow freely from the tip of my pen.
A story is fast approaching.
My mind is no longer in the present; I am no longer me.
Notice my meditation, but do not disturb.
I can not tolerate disruption.

My escape from reality is short lived; I have been productive in my absence.
I have written.
Whatever it has become is no concern to me.
It's all the same; my thoughts and dreams.
You are welcome to take a peek anytime you please.

Dana

Tell me what you think

I was playing around a bit this morning and I added the pic behind the blog title. I am not sure if I like it or not and your opinions matter to me. So......let me know what you think. Do you think I should add a picture up there or keep it like it was? If so, should I keep this pic or find a new one?

Good Mommy

  I have been informed by my oldest (who will be 4 in Jan.) that I am a good mommy. Mostly, I have earned this title by letting him have that extra piece of candy after dinner, allowing him to watch his favorite movie twice in a row, or just plain giving in to whatever it is he wants. "Momma, can I have some more M&M's?" "Sure honey, here ya go." or "Momma, can you help me put my socks on?" "You know how to put them on, but I will help you this time." My mind is telling me the exact opposite of what my heart is feeling.
  My mind (being rational) knows that all of those things actually do not make me a good mommy at all. They make me a SUCKER! He is playing me for a fool; pulling at my heartstrings. I need to stick to my guns and never give an inch.
  My heart on the other hand (being emotional) melts everytime I hear the words "Your a good mommy. Do you know that?" *sniff, sniff*  What to do? Well, I've thought about this quite a bit the last few days. Does giving in to him every now and then really make me a sucker? Will it really effect his independence and attitude if I let him slide a couple times? I think......NAAAHHHH!!  I'm taking every "good mommy" he'll give me. God only knows it won't be long before I'll be the meanest mom in the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD.
  I'm no sucker. I'm a good mommy and I know it!

Poem: My Method

I escape
Like every person should
A few moments out of many
to collect myself
      *
I escape
From money and bills
Traffic and people
To shut out the world
      *
I escape
To reach inside my mind
Listening to my thoughts
Focusing on words
      *
I escape
To write
I write
To escape
      *
Now you know the method to my madness

(note: another little peek inside my head)

A peek inside my head


  Sometimes I will see things that no one else may notice. A little something will catch my eye and this creative/ passionate side of me emerges.  These things inspire me; my writing. I may think something is beautiful or magnificent, but to others it just is what it is. Take this tree for example: (keep in mind, my picture doesn't do it justice) I was outside last night having a quiet moment to myself when I noticed this tree against the purple sky. I stared at it for a long time; watching as the sky slowly darkend behind it.  To me, this is beautiful. The outline of the branches twisting and turning; the way the leaves look against the purple sky.  It was almost as if this ancient tree was emitting a force.  A power that only it could contain. Nature in itself is a force, so I assume that was what I was feeling.  I just think that this tree can tell me things no person ever could. Things about our history, lessons about life, how to battle the elements and still be so magnificent. I can imagine this tree coming to life, having thoughts and a conscious. (Lord of the Rings just popped into my head, hehe) Yes.....I got all of this from one tree. Crazy huh! Well, you wouldn't be the first to think so. 
  Is it just me or does this tree speak to you in any way? Tell me, does it stir any feelings inside of your soul? Does it tell you a story?

Fall 2009


How awesome it must be to feel so carefree! How wonderful it must be to have the whole world as your playground. A new adventure awaits them around every corner. Everything about life fascinates them and fuels thier love to discover new things. A small pile of brown, crunchy leaves had my boys so excited; I couldn't help but smile and join them. It was so refreshing.....

I'm still around.....

I just wanted to write a quick note explaining my long absence. (my guilty conscious made me!) As you know, I went out of state to visit family for the Thanksgiving holiday. I had an awesome time, but caught a cold while I was there. Let me tell ya......it was a doozy! I am feeling much better now and more than ready to start writing regularly again. I've been really busy the last couple of days trying to get my home back in order; things got a little disorganized and dusty while I was in my cold medicine stuper!

I'm thankful for.....

I'm thankful to be alive. I am thankful to be breathing, walking, eating, sleeping, anything that has to do with living. Everyday I wake up, I thank god for blessing me with another day to spend with the one's I love; another day to hold my babies and enjoy my favorite things. Each day is a gift. Open it wisely!

I'm thankful for......

I'm thankful for nature. Nature is raw, soothing, and forgiving. Nature is so complex, but yet its beauty is simple. The way the earth replenishes itself and heals it's scars over time shows it's strength. The cycle of the seasons (Fall being my favorite), the rise and fall of an oceans tide, the sun and moon sharing the same vast sky is simply wonderful to witness. The magnitude of the force that keeps us on our planet is fascinating. Being able to watch as the sun sets behind the trees is a beauty no artist can fully capture, gazing at the twinkling stars above,  the sweet scent of nature flowing through the air. In our hectic day to day life, it can be easy to take the world for granted. Stop what you are doing for a minute, walk outside and let your senses take over. Breathe in the smell of the plants and trees. Watch as the trees sway in the breeze and listen to the slight whoosh as the air passes through the leaves. Listen to the beautiful melody of a bird. Feel the warm sun on your skin as the breeze flows all around you. Just relax.

I'm thankful for.....

I'm thankful to have a roof over my head, a car filled with a little gas, and food in my fridge. We often forget how a growing part of the population of America/ the world doesn't have any of these things. We so easily take them for granted, as well as our material possessions. We place importance among those with a lot of money, a big house (maybe even several), expensive cars and clothes. We turn our heads at the sight of starving men, woman, and children who have nothing. We refuse to help because we say to ourselves "I don't have a penny to spare." Well, I can guaranty that you do. I would bet my life on it!

I'm thankful for.....

I'm thankful for my friends. I can count the amount of friends I have on one hand, but the amount really doesn't matter anyway. It's your relationship. It's the bond that you and your friend share. Being able to share feelings, thoughts, and memories. Going to each other for advice and knowing you will get an honest answer. No judgements are being passed because there's no worry about how we are acting or how we look. We can be ourselves with these people. We boohoo together and we scream in delight with each other.  Friends mold us into what we are, they sculp us into what we might become. They are a part of our support system (along with family) for getting through this hard life. We must cherish these friendships and hold them close to our heart.

I'm thankful for.......

Thanksgiving has almost arrived. We often reflect on our life past and present during the month of November.  So, everyday this week I am going to write about one thing I am thankful for. I would encourage you to do the same.....

 Today I am thankful for my family. I love all of you regardless of what you do or say. I would most definitly not be where I am today if it wasn't for those of you who have walked this road right beside me. I love the fact that you all are concerned and worry about me, even though it may be unnecessary. I love the fact that I don't have to ask for anything, yet it is right there and available to me. I love that I am far from being perfect, but none of you care because I am me. I especially love the way you all love me. I would do anything for all of you, and I know you would do the same. Times have been hard, but with my family by my side, I will make it through!

Fishing Buddy


   My hubby is the happiest father on the face of this earth. His dream has come true......he has his very own fishing buddy. William began showing an interest as soon as he could hold a rod and reel. He just recently graduated from a "baby rod" (as he calls it) to a big rod like his daddies. They go fishing every chance they get. They love the quiet alone time together and it makes me happy that they have this time to bond.
   I believe it is important to find a common interest that you and your child share, then take time out of your busy schedule often to spend quality time with them. If you have more than one child (like us), take turns spending a few hours with each. For example: when Aaron takes William fishing, Lane and I might take a walk around the nieghborhood. The next week, William and I might go shopping, while Lane and Daddy go to the park. Take this time to talk with your child about school, thier other interests, or what they want to do when they grow up.  It not only brings you closer, but it gives your child a big boost of self eestem. They begin to understand the importance of family and will open up to you more (which will be helpful in the teenage years). It also gives everyone a break from the hustle and bustle of life allowing you to take a look around your world. You notice just how fast your child is growing up and how quickly they change. Please don't wait until that day when you finally decide to come up for air, then notice your kid is grown.
  Aaron is just waiting for the day when  he can start teaching Lane to fish. Then he can truly die and go to heaven.  Imagine the alone time mommy would get!
  

Poem: Fall Season

Fall Season

A carpet of leaves lay upon brown earth;
twitching, rolling in the gusts.
Crunching underfoot.

Wooden smells eminating from stone chimneys;
rising up, then invisible to the eyes.
Fragrancing the air.

A feast of tasty morsels bubbling, baking;
being readied to satisfy hungry stomachs.
Warming bodies.

Majestic oaks blazoned in fiery red, burnt orange, and brown;
swaying as one with the wind.
Ancient giants.

Early mornings, early nights;
sun and moon conjoining to stare upon us from the heavens.
Witnessing our feebleness.

Woodland animals scurry about;
stockpiling small dwellings.
 Preparing for the coming frost.

A bitter chill hangs in the air;
enveloping all things.
Entwined with nature.

It's only a phase......

William has entered a new phase. I want to share a bit of what I had to endure all day today. These are snippets of some conversations between William and I

This morning while I was cooking breakfast:
tugging on my shirt "Is it done yet?"... "No honey, it will be a few minutes." 1 minute later..... "Is it time to eat yet?".... "No, not yet." 15 seconds later......"Is it done yet?".... "No William, a couple more minutes until it's done. I will let you know." about 5 seconds later...."Momma, I asked you if it was time to eat." ...."William, I said it will be time in a couple minutes." 15 seconds later...."Is it time to eat yet momma?".... "What did I just say William? It will be done in a minute." 15 seconds later....."Is it done yet?"...."No!"5 seconds later..."I want to eat."....."Ok" about 20 seconds later....."Is it time to eat?" ..."Yes William. Get in your chair and I will put it on your plate."... "Oh, just a second momma." GRRRRRR!

While I was cooking lunch:
"What are you doing?"... "I'm cooking mac and cheese for lunch."... "Is it ready?"... "Not yet, in about 3 minutes it will be time to eat." about 30 seconds later...."Can I eat it now?"...."No, I have to let the noodles finish boiling." about 1 minute later....."Is it ready yet?"..."Not quite. I have to drain the noodles and mix in all the ingredients."...."Why?"...."This is how you make mac and cheese."15 seconds later......"Is it time to eat yet?"...."Just a minute, I am almost done."...."I want to eat. Can I eat?"...."When it's done." 30 seconds later...."Is it ready?"..."No William, quit asking and sit in your chair. I'm just about done."..."I'm ready to eat now!"...."I understand that, but I need to put it on your plate and let it cool a little."..... sitting in his chair "I'm ready momma."...."Ok William. Here, take your plate and blow on your food so it doesn't burn your mouth."... getting down from his chair "Wait momma, I got to go peepee." AHHHHH!

Sitting at the doctors office:
"Is it time to go?"..."Lane has to see the doctor, then it will be time to go."...."Is the doctor coming?"..."Yes baby. The doctor will see us in a minute."...."Then we can go?"...."Yes, after the doc looks at Lane."...."The doctor is going to look at Lane and not me right momma?"...."Yes, she will check Lane's booboo."..."Then we can go home?"...."That's right, we will go home when we are finished."...."No momma, when the doctor is finished."...."Yep, your right William."about 2 minutes later....."Is it time to go home?"....."No William. Remember what I said? After the doctor looks at Lane we will go home."about 3 minutes later...."Are we done yet? I want to go home."....."I know you want to go home, but we are waiting for the doctor."...."What is that doctor doing?"...."Looking at other patients."...."No momma. She's looking at booboos."...."She probably is looking at other booboos. She will get to us in a minute."...."Ok mama, but I am ready now!" Doctor comes in...."Doctors here now, lets go!"

Cooking dinner:
"I want something."...."I'm cooking dinner right now."...."Is it time to eat?"....."Not yet. It's got to boil for a few more minutes."......"But I want something now."...."Sorry honey, I'm making dinner. You can wait."....."I want to eat."...."So I have heard!"...."No really momma, I want something."...."Well, you'll really have to wait for dinner!"...."Is it done yet?"...."No baby. I just turned it off so the sauce can get thicker. Give me two more minutes." 1 minute later...."Momma, is it done?"..."It's done enough. I'm putting some on your plate."...."I can eat now?"....."I'm getting it on your plate, but you should let it cool for a little bit."...."It's too hot?"...."Yes baby."..."I want to eat."...."I understand."...."Is it cool yet?"...."Probably not because I just put it on your plate."....."I want to eat"....."Go sit in your chair and hush up!"...."Don't tell me that momma, be nice to me!"

Poem: Twilight

Twilight

Majestic moss covered trees rustling, swaying in the wind way above my head. Brown leaves floating, spinning to the ground as the gusts disconnects them from thier branches.  Softly scraping across the ground, crunching beneath my feet. Tiny droplets of rain sparsely falling , running down my cheeks like tears. It's twilight. A round stark white moon balances in a rose colored sky. Dark menacing clouds threaten to overtake them. The light slowly fades all around me. Natures' orchestra begins.

Writing/Publishing

In the past, I wrote a post about writing/publishing  a book. Well, I wanted to give you an update on how that has been working out. I do not think this is a good time in my life to start a novel. I have made several good attempts at making time for myself to write, but it has been too sporatic. Everytime I get an idea and form a mental picture in my head, I sit down to write out what I have pictured. If I take too much time in between writing sessions, I lose the picture and idea I have formed and it just becomes a bunch of words. I do still want to write/publish a book and I have an idea I'm knocking around, but I don't want to say what it is just yet. I need to do a little more research and thinking (which includes looking at similiar books). In the meantime, I have been calling  several newspapers in the area, but have not had any luck getting on as a writer. It seems that they already have a long list of people writing for them. My next move would be to contact magazines. I hope to make writing  my work-from-home job ,but so far it has proven to be very difficult. If anyone has any ideas or advice for me, I would love to hear them.

Poem: A momma to boys

A momma to boys

Building blocks and matchbox cars
Damn those hurt when stepped on
Dirty faces and muddy shoes
Look at these muddy footprints on my carpet!
Baseball, football, and soccer games
Whoa, a ball just whizzed past my head
He's got the hungry tummy blues
and so does my pocketbook!
Sticks and stones won't break thier bones
I got a nice dent in my car though
Rough and tumble boys abloom
Stop wrestling on my furniture this instant!
Filled with imagination and curiosity for the world
EEEEK, get that bug out of my house
So smart, funny, and ready to amuse
What did you just say?!!
Playing morning, noon, and night
Oh, go to sleep already
Cuddles, kisses, then Goodnight Moon
For the billionth time
Off to sleep, sweet dreams my angels
Finally, margarita time!
Tomorrow we will start a new.
Oh Lord give me the strength!

Window shopping

I spent the whole day looking at things I could only wish to be able to afford. My hubby thought it would be a good idea to get out of the house on such a beautiful fall day, I totally did agree, and  visit some shops we haven't been to yet. Now, the concept of window shopping is not a bad one........until you find that one awesome thing you just have to have. You know, that one perfect thing that you absolutley know will round out your other things. That one thing that happens to be on sale that day and you know exactly what you would do with it. Oh, wait a minute........I don't have any money. Well, that was me today. Sniffle, sniffle......

Life

It can be quite upsetting when things don't turn out the way you've planned them too. Life has a funny way of doing that to a person. When your young, your head is chock-a-block  full of ideas and you've mapped out how you want to live your life. You watch it play out before your eyes frame by frame. Now, as the future becomes the past, you notice the frames have become altered somehow. This could be good or this could be bad, depending on how you feel about life in general. For some crazy reason, the alterations never stop! Most people, at this time, develope new plans in order to shape a new future. This too will never end! It's a cycle we all must live with. At times it has frustrated me and has pushed my emotions to the max. At times I have been very pleased and even bursting with joy at the outcome. At the moment, life has left me confused and wondering what the next day will bring. How am I to remedy this you ask? Well.....I have come up with a plan. I will wake up with the sunrise and cool morning air, make me a steaming pot of coffee, and develope a major case of Idon'tgiveashititus! Just until I can come up with an even better plan....

Been a little out of it

My baby boy has been sick and running fever since last Thursday. The doc said it was either viral or bacterial. She gave him a shot in the leg  in case it was bacterial and said he should be better by Monday either way. Well, I hate to say the doc was wrong, but he is still feeling blah. Both of us are exhausted from the restless nights. Being sleep deprived makes it a little difficult to get the creative juices flowing, so I apologize for not posting any new poetry lately. He's on the upside today and I'm positive he is getting better. I should be writing again in no time!

St. Judes Trike/Bike-A-Thon Event






The Trike/Bike-A-Thon Event was a ton of fun. Every child participated whether they brought a bike or not and the parent turn out was awesome! Pledges are still rolling in so I do not know the official amount raised at this time. Thanks to everyone who has sent in donations. I will continue taking pledges until October 30th.




St. Judes Trike/Bike-A-Thon

I am now taking pledges for the St. Jude Trike/Bike-A-Thon that Williams preschool is holding.

The St. Jude Trike-A-Thon program teaches children riding safety while also raising money for St. Judes Children's Research Hospital. You can sponser William by donating money to St. Judes which enables St. Jude to continue its mission of finding cures and saving children with cancer and other childhood diseases. St. Jude is the only pediatric cancer research center where no child is ever denied treatment because of the family's inability to pay.

On Oct. 9th (Friday) at 8:30 am, Williams' school will be holding the Trike/Bike-A-Thon. I will continue to take pledges until the 30th of October. If you would like to sponser William and donate money to St. Judes, email me at amdampier76@yahoo.com.

Visit www.stjude.org/trike for more information.

Some of my favorite things.....

  • My two boys who will forever be my babies. To hear them giggle and laugh is more beautiful than any melody.

  • The delicate scent of parchment, ink, and history that fills the pages of a book. Sitting among pillows cozy, quiet, uninterrupted and engrossed in that book.

  • The smell of honeysuckle, lavender, and rosemary dominating the spring air.

  • Cranking my favorite music, salt rimmed margarita in hand, and pondering the meaning of life in front of a orange blazing fire.

  • The aroma and taste of an early morning cup of Community Coffee. Drinking that coffee from my favorite yellow Fiesta mug.

  • Watching the yellow sun set in a purple sky above a vast ocean of blue waves. Digging my toes into the sand as the water crashes onto the beach.

  • Laying in bed as the pitter patter of rain hits my roof and thunder slowly growls in the distance.

  • Surrounded by my family with a hundred conversations going on at once. Even the crazy members, it just guarantees that things will be interesting.

  • Biting into sweet, juicy watermelons and strawberries on a warm summer day. Putting some meat on the BBQ and serving it with potatoe salad, beans, and hot rolls on a warm summer night.

  • Nature changing into the red, orange, and browns of fall and watching as the leaves delicatley float to the ground.

  •  A butterfly fluttering about the sky, dancing among the flowers. Wings shimmering in the sun.

  • Turning my experiences, thoughts, and emotions into poetry then sharing it with all who care to listen.

Become a follower or subscribe

I want to thank my visitors who check out my blog on a regular basis. I really appreciate the comments and advice you leave for me. It helps me to strive harder in growing my blog. If you haven't already, sign up to be a follower and show your support.  Look for the followers section on the right hand column under Labels and subscribe. You can also subscribe to my blog for free. Just enter your email address and it will send you a message to your inbox to confirm. You can get my posts sent right to your inbox daily.
I really appreciate the support I've gotten from everyone!

Thank You!!

St. Jude's Trike/Bike-A-Thon

My husband and I love to donate money to several charities of our choosing when we have the oppurtunity to do so. St. Judes is the charity that is the dearest to our heart. I don't want to go into too many details, but to have your child stricken with cancer and lack the money to help them breaks my heart. St. Judes will help your child whether you can pay them or not. So, when Williams' preschool sent out a letter explaining the Trike/Bike-A-Thon event they hold every year, I got very excited. Starting October 5th, I will begin taking Pledges for the Trike/Bike-A-Thon. The actual event will be held on October 9th but I will have until the end of Oct. to get in all Pledges. I do not have all the details right now but I will continue to post updates as soon as I get them. Email me if you are interested in helping.

Falling Together

Wrote this today with the help of my sis, you are definitly not alone......

When the day has been hectic with no end in sight,
If you've just gone through another sleepless night,
When things look as if they may be falling a part,
keep looking forward because it may be falling together!

Busy little boy!!

There is nothing better than spending your sunday fishing toys out of the toilet. Let's just say I will need to buy a new kitchen tong next time we go to the store. I knew I should of dropped everything and ran when I heard a little redhead giggling in the next room!

Poem: Time Slipping Away

I wrote this about 6yrs. ago.

Time Slipping Away

Day by day,
Time slipping away.
Where have all my days gone?
Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring,
Another year gone by.
New inventions, children growing,
Time to start on my own.
Memories of yesterday fresh on my mind,
Thoughts of tomorrow not clear.
So many problems I'm expected to solve.
So little time to make decisions.
Responsibility taking hold.
Sometimes I'm shocked by it all.
Live life fully and I'll survive.
Day by day,
Meet new people, make new friends, love my enemies.
Society is really changing.
Years and years down the road,
Who knows what our destiny holds.
Day by day,
Time slipping away.
What have I done with my life?
I have lived!

After the Rain

After the rain has gone, the world has been replenished. Everything is more beautiful than before. The clouds make way for the suns'  healing rays and the world warms up. Diamonds made from tiny raindrops hang in the trees sparkling like nothing I've ever seen. All the darkness has been washed away and my soul feels happiness once again. Butterflies float about restoring the beauty of the world. Rabbits venture out to find food in the soggy grass.The whole world comes out to drink. Bright colors consume the sky as a rainbow stretches across leading to a secret place. There's something wonderful about the feeling you get after the rain.

The little things

You don't realize how much you take things for granted until you are without them. We have been renting the trailer we are living in for 6 months now, and have had repeated problems with the A/C unit. This past saturday has made it the 7th time our A/C has decided to go on strike. That is more than once a month. I am not too pleased about this situation. Our landlord gets someone out here to fix it, but it seems like we are always last on the repairmans list. That means we are made to suffer for 2-3 days. I know back in the old days when my parents walked to school in the snow barefoot....... they didn't have A/C either and they turned out alright. Growing up, I was use to the comforts of a nice cool house. People forget though that it's a luxery and not a necessity.......although living here in Texas, its pretty damn close to a necessity! I know we will survive, and by the time its all fixed......maybe I will have lost a pound or too!

Quote

If you find yourself lost, open up your eyes.......there may be a reason why you ended up there.

Poem: Letting Go


*I know you've seen this already, I was adding a label and it posted it again.*

Letting Go

A canopy of swaying trees shielding me from the world.
Rays of sunshine passing through the branches of my protectors.
Hearing the daily activities of life, I still feel like I'm the only one in this part of the world.
The smells of the cedar trees traveling through the air.
I'm lost body and soul among the woods where nobody can penetrate my surroundings.
Animals go about their routines passing me like I was a permanent fixture.
The songs of the birds soothing my soul and enveloping my mind.
Plenty of room for my thoughts to stretch and roam without interruption.
Expressing my feelings without fear of being seen.
I close my eyes and let myself be free.
I feel the safest here in the middle of nowhere.
This is where I feel most alive.
This is where I can let go!

I wrote this poem on Feb. 2004



  • Just wanted to note that I've noticed since starting this blog and laying out all my poems, a lot of them are about nature or nature is mentioned in one form or another.

Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?

Since William had an awesome day at preschool and has been a good listener today, I gave him a sugar cookie and a glass of milk. He and his daddy made them last night from scratch. I got busy washing dishes and folding clothes while he ate and watched his movie. About 30 minutes later, I just so happened to walk by and glance at the plate of cookies on the counter, thats when I  noticed something.... There was an empty space where a bunch of cookies should have been. About half the plate was gone!! So, I ask my little angel about the missing cookies. He grins his big I got caught smile and runs off to his room. I took that as a yes momma I ate the cookies dash for freedom . I moved the plate to a higher location in the kitchen so he couldn't sneak anymore and went back to the endless pile of laundry. About 10 minutes later, I heard him in the kitchen again and slowly made my way in there. The little stinker had climbed on top of the counter and was in the middle of snatching another cookie. Lets just say, no one will be getting any more cookies today. They are currently in the trash!

Thanks everyone

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has been clicking on the ads for me. I am almost to $10.00. Thats when they will send me a check on the 1st of Oct. Anything helps :)

                                  Thank You !!                                      

Misunderstood

  I'm surrounded by a room full of people, yet I feel loneliness inside. All are familiar, kind faces that I love. They don't get me though. None of them really know who I am. No one here connects with me, insight into my soul. I love that they love me, but I can't draw comfort from them. They see the me that I want them to see. They see the smile I want them to see. Nobody knows me with just one look. Not one can tell with just a glance. They came because I wanted them to.  They are here because they should be. I'm frustrated! I can't express myself in the manner that I want to, they don't understand. It's beyond them. I nod, make small talk, and smile like I should. I'm suffocating, mentally exhausted. I need someone to know me. I need someone to say..... I know. A person on my level of thought, on my level emotionally. I don't want to have to say a word. Am I wrong to want this? To me....It's all apart of being human. It's all about striving to be a better person. I float about the room like a good hostess should. I serve and entertain. I go through the motions ,not letting anyone in on my thoughts. All of this I do alone. How can it be that I recognize the little things in people? How can I be the only one? I hate to say that they don't care, it's just not true. I don't want to say that they are selfish, I love them. They just don't get me. They don't get my moods and gestures, my fears or dreams. No one knows what they are, or what they really mean. I want to let someone in. I want to be understood.

Poem: What do you think?

written on April 7,2004

What do you think?

Does it really give you all you want,
fullfill your every little need?
Does it really  make you happy,
filling all the holes?
Does it really make you famous,
give you a whole new attitude?
Do you really control it,
not letting it take your life?
Some would say yes,
but is that what they really feel?
Some would say no,
but are they really happy either?
Is there really a way around it?
Isn't it a crazy thing,
yet we are not crazy?
I don't think there is a right answer for anything,
do you?

Quote

What would life be like if you never took chances? What would taking chances be without the risks involved? Contemplating what is right is a factor of life, just don't contemplate too long.

Brothers


Its amazing how two little boys can be so alike, yet so different at the same time. There's no doubt they are brothers..... they came from the same mom and dad! To look at them though, there are very few physical similarities.  Thier personalities are also very different, but if you were to watch them....they move the same. They smile and laugh the same. They both talk the same and play with the same toys. Thier hand gestures are identicle. They both run thier fingers through soft, fine hair as they relax. I love the fact that they are not carbon copies of each other, what fun would that be?

Always adding new things

I'm always adding new things to my site. I recently added the sites I love area. Go check it out! Please let me know what you think about the new additions. Also, if you have any suggestions, I would love to hear them.

Forced Battles

  • This is something I wrote several years ago that I want to share. I feel I must tell you to look beyond the words and think about the real meaning of what I'm saying here. It's not meant to be anything but my emotions....

I'm trapped in an unbreakable cycle of madness, sadness, and neglect. I'm trapped inside of a shell I no longer recognize. A stranger is here, a stranger I see often. The stranger with the twisted face. Contorted into something horrid. I was pulled by a force into this unbreakable cycle long before I had the will to fight. The force, so tightly wound about me, took me by surprise. Only the stranger and I occupy this space. I hide but it always finds me. It watches me as I scream but it only hears silence, so it smiles. I fight but the cycle is too strong. The stranger is too strong. I beat on the shell for help but it goes unnoticed because I'm weak. I can hear it laugh, the contorted face smiling. The laughter echoes through the layers vibrating off the walls. I cover my ears to save my sanity. I will fight. I will keep fighting until I defeat this stranger. I will take control and become me again. I have to break this cycle. I need to find the key that will free my soul before I lose this battle forever.

Poem: To Forget

I wrote this several years ago. I can't quite remember the exact date.

To Forget

The secrets I hold deep in my soul, no one will ever know.
Secrets so old, buried deep in my soul and laid down to rest.
Secrets so bold, way down below and covered by happier thoughts.
No one will ever guess.
These secrets only I must bear include memories in tow, places in the past with people I have met.
No one will ever understand.
Secrets only I know but conveniently I forget.

Williams' Surgery

Many of you know my little man had a surgery yesterday to remove his tonsils and adenoids. A really common surgery that always yields the same great results. Why then, knowing the facts, did I cry when they took my baby away? I blubbered like a fool! To my relief, the surgery lasted 20 minutes long and I was back with him again. Talk about one peeved kid, it took four of us just to get the IV out of his hand! We got him home and made him as comfortable as we could. Well, in no time at all, he was playing with his toys and eating everything in sight. He is doing awesome. It's a fight to get him to take the medicine, but we manage. He goes through periods of grogginess, then he regains his energy and is back to normal. It's during one of these groggy periods that he did something so unbelievably funny. Lane and William were eating these purple yogurt bites that melt in your mouth when Lane decided to smash some on Williams leg. William was so out of it that he didn't realize what Lane had done. Once he did realize though, he freaked out. He began to cry and tell me he has a boo boo and it hurts. I tried to explain to him that it was food and we could get a towel to clean it off, but he just wouldn't believe me. The poor kid was so upset about the surgery, I guess he thought new boo boos are appearing everywhere! He was hysterical and would not let me get close to his leg at all. The funniest part though is when he began limping away from me to keep me from touching it. He was so convinced he had a boo boo, he was limping! I could not stop laughing. I just left it on his leg and held him tight in my arms. Later, when he had calmed down and was more hisself, we cleaned it off his leg together.

Poem: Storm

I just wrote this a few hours ago. This is something I have actually done in the past and tonights' thunderstorm reminded me of the experience.

Storm

I smell the rain upon the air, so sweet to the senses.
I feel it in the cool breeze whirling all around me.
I hear the gentle whoosh of the trees as they begin to dance.
The leaves rustle as they skip across the ground.
A gentle clap of thunder roars in the distance warning me of the storms' impending assault.
Streaks of lightening follow close behind brightening the landscape.
Everything darkens, and yet I stay to watch.
So beautiful is this change, such wondrous music nature produces.
I wait.
I listen.
Finally, I feel it.
It falls cold and wet upon my skin.
Soaking my body, plastering my hair to my face, and yet I stay.
So cleansing to my soul, refreshing to my spirit.
I feel as one with the storm, meeting it face to face.
I feel, I am calling upon nature to heal me.
I feel, I am the storm.

Quotes

Here's a couple quotes I wrote recently:




Behold, this is me. All of me outside and in. Behold, this is
my life. This is how I survive. Take me as I am, that's all I ask. Love me no matter what, that's all I need.

Aug. 2009





An infectious giggle, a big toothy grin. A tender touch and
"Mommy, I love you". Sloppy kisses, giant hugs, and Goodnight Moon. The unconditional love of a child.

Aug. 2009


Something to think about

I wanted to get some opinions about something I've been thinking about doing. Since I can't seem to get a job doing anything else in this bad economy and I want to contribute something to my family, I was thinking about writing books. Now, I have no idea about what the content will hold or how to even go about writing a book, but I was thinking, it never hurts to try. I seem to be getting some good feedback on my writing and I've always kind of wanted to be a writer of some sort. I would appreciate any kind of advice or just give me your opinion. I know it's a long and hard process to get a book published but I will be willing to try it. I've already checked into publishing my poetry but I've found out there is no money in it. Maybe I could combine my poetry with whatever the subject is that I'm writing about. This blog has helped enormously by building my confidence in my writing skills and I'm so glad I started it. It has given me the opportunity to share a part of myself with everyone that you may not have known I possessed. I will keep everyone updated on my progress with this if there is any!

Lane

It seems like only yesterday I was holding Lane in my arms for the first time. Admiring his red hair and blue eyes, watching him sleep peacefully as he sucked on his fingers, rocking him and gently stroking his soft skin. Now, he is on the verge of walking. He took over ten steps today! He rearranges my kitchen chairs every chance he gets. He is saying mama, baba (bottle), nana (food), dada, and ha (hi). He loves to sing and dance. He gets into everything he can and laughs the whole time. He is learning how to throw a tantrum, you know, throwing his self backwards and screaming at the top of his lungs. He is sooo very smart. I am so proud of him, but yet I want to cry. He is going to turn a year old in less than a month. Where has the time gone? I feel like I haven't had a whole lot of time to enjoy him being a baby, and now it's almost gone. I feel bad for him (although he doesn't know better) that I didn't get to spend the time playing with him and doting on him like I did his brother. I understand and have been told that this is normal with the second child and any others that may come after that. It still doesn't make me feel any better. As I was rocking him tonight, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He is such a beautiful boy. I examined every inch of his face, little hands, and chubby feet with my eyes. I stroked his soft skin like I use to do and gently gave him kisses all over. I always make it a point to tell both my boys that I love them each day every chance I get. I hope they remember that, no matter what age they are. I'm not ready to reach this milestone, I'm not ready to admit that soon he will be a toddler. There is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it, but how do I slow it down? Just for this month, that's all I ask. I'm trying my best to spend more time with him, to sit and play with him on the floor. I'm looking directly into his eyes and giving him my undivided attention while giving him his bottle. Like I said earlier, I know he won't realize my efforts. It will make this worried mom feel better though. I don't ever want my boys to doubt my love, I will do what I can to see to that.

My two troublemakers



I love my little guys! They are my world, my life, my everything. I didn't realize how incomplete I was until I held them in my arms for the first time. They have taught me so much about myself. I am a better person inside and out because of them. They have taught me the importance of family and the true meaning of love. They have taught me patience (god knows you need it with these two!) I've learned to not judge others so harshly because it's there heart and soul that matters the most. I've learned that time is precious, spend every minute of it with the ones that you love. It flies by so quickly and you miss the little things in life that are so important. They have taught me to appreciate nature through their love of the outdoors. Everything is an adventure and no rock goes unturned. No leaf goes uninvestigated. No sand tastes too yucky to eat! Their little faces light up when they come across some new bug or animal, they are in total awe of the world. I've learned that the dishes can stay dirty for another couple hours and the clothes can stay in the dryer for one more day because building with blocks is so much more fun! I learned that the 5 second rule can really be stretched to 10 seconds because it still tastes good ( hence the love to eat dirt). They have showed me that singing, dancing and acting silly can be stress relieving (it can also double as exercise). My little guys are so smart and wonderful. William is really becoming aware of other peoples' feelings and how certain actions and words can affect them. For example: today I was sitting in the recliner with my eyes closed and my hand on my head. William comes up to me, puts his hand on top of mine very gently and says" Are you ok baby? Do you need me to get you something?"....I said... " No honey, I'm ok. Mommy just has a headache." William says..."Oh, I will help you". He walks into the kitchen and grabs something off the counter. When he comes back, he's holding a bag of M&M's and says..."Here you go mommy. Eat some of these and they will make you feel better". I said..."Thank you so much William." I ate a few M&M's. William starts lightly patting me on the arm and then says..."Are you feeling better honey?". I was so proud of him. I had the biggest smile on my face. Now, my redheaded Lane on the other hand can be a real handful but he has his own little gestures to show me he loves me. He will rub my arm when I'm rocking him to sleep or he will pat me on the back when I'm holding him. Just typing these words and telling you this story brings tears to my eyes. I love these two little troublemakers! They give me a lot of grief but the moment I look into their eyes and see the love shining through, makes every minute worth it. It makes every tantrum and every "no momma" null and void. My brain does a mass delete on all the times I just wanted to pull my hair and run out the door screaming! Yes, it does get that crazy sometimes. Every bit of it is worth it. I feel so lucky to have them in my life. I feel so blessed to be able to hold and cuddle with them in my arms, to tell them every day that I love them. I don't ever take them for granted. I do however, take them to their Meemaws house so I can get a much needed break!




New Background

So how do you like my new background? Let me know. I'm still experimenting with it. I'm trying to make it more pleasing to the eye!

Poem: Wings

This is how I often pictured my entrance into heaven.

Wings

Rising, floating above the trees with mighty feathered wings. Sailing, soaring, feeling free, flying in the autumn breeze. Winds whirling, whipping, carrying me to places as I dream. Rays of the setting sun spreading, bathing the land as far as I can see. Ascending from this world to colors I can't fathom. I'm stripped of my pain and filled with love and enthusiasm. My secrets, my worries falling away. I've found a new world that gives me confidence and strength. A voice coming from deep within my soul whispers emotionally. I've entered heaven enveloped in mighty feathered wings of white lace.

my little redhead


I believe bull fighting would probably be easier than getting my little redhead down for the night. He didn't go to sleep until 10:45. He cried and kicked, fought and squirmed with all his little might. He screamed and pushed and acted like I was beating him. Lane must be preparing me for something because after a full day of taking care of him, everything else seems like a breeze. Within the time span of an hour, he can have this entire house declared a national disaster. I dread having to give him medicine, more ends up on me and his clothes than in his mouth. Now, I know you are saying that these things happen with every kid but should it take two full grown adults to give a 10mth. old a teaspoon of medicine? Should a 10mth old be hitting and teasing a 3yr. old. I know my parents are smiling right now because I probably gave them hell, but let me tell you, the devil his self would be scared of my baby! The point of this is, I'm way too tired to be writing any poems tonight. I need all the energy I can get to keep up with this little guy.

Poem: Out of control thoughts

I wrote this an hour ago......


Out of control thoughts

I lay in darkness, eyes closed, in the confines of my room.
Crickets softly chirping outside my window under the cover of night.
My mind races with thoughts out of my control.
Sleep will not come.
These thoughts come from deep within, my untold secrets of the soul.
I do not understand why they won't leave me; why they won't go?
They are trapped inside, pushing forward to be seen.
Playing one by one like a slide show.
The desires of my heart surface, tempting me.
Wishes unfolding before my eyes.
I redirect and say my prayers to god.
Smiling, I picture my family but my worrisome brain comes alive.
Sleep will not come.
Pondering life and all that's in it, also the things we have yet to pass.
Digging deep into my soul, an emotion breaks through.
Salty tears flowing freely, I feel so alone.
I lay in darkness, crying eyes closed, in the confines of my room.
An owl hoots softly upon it's perch beneath the never ending sky.
My mind races with thoughts out of my control.

These people we call family


As I look upon pictures of my family old and new, I can't believe how lucky I am. I'm talking about my whole family, not just the wonderful one I started. I really do love those guys! We have had our drama and problems like any other.....sometimes I think even more so. I am proud of who we have become and the legacy we have started. We have been able to pull through some rough times when called upon to do so. We have banned together and put aside our issues when someone needed us the most. It could almost be considered heroic. (You'd have to understand my family) I don't even think some of us realize we did it! As a family, I believe we should stick together. Accept who each of us are as a person and just love the hell out of each other. This is who and all we have, we need to cherish every minute of it. Like I said before...... history hasn't been kind to us, but it's exactly that...... history! I'm not saying to forget but I am saying to forgive. It will be alright. We have already made it through the hardest part, being in the same room together for any given period of time. That goes for everywhere in the world. Even as I sit here writing this, relationships are being mended. It's a beautiful thing. I am so proud of my family right now. Please don't harbor and hold things inside, it's not good for the soul. It's not good for the heart or the mind. Set them free and watch them fly. We will do it together because we are family, we need each other now and when the times get rough. I know we can do it!

Poem: What a lovely place to dream

What a lovely place to dream

Sitting by a stream, thinking of a dream I'd love to come true. Sitting on a log watching the rippling water flowing downstream to maybe another distant dreamer. I see a leaf floating by, conquering all the curves and bumps that the water has to offer. The sun shining through the trees, playing tricks on the mirror like water. The rays of light maybe sent by god warming my face as I think. What could be a better than this? I watch as a family of ants march across the stream using a stick as a bridge. Carrying their food to where ever it is they live. Carefully, they walk with their loads on their backs going over and around the land. A butterfly breezes by with the gentle wind showing a flash of color. How beautiful it floats through my dream. It lands right beside me perhaps to say hi and take in all the beauty of the time. I move to touch the water and watch as it curves around me. I feel the coolness against my warm skin and think about how lovely this is. What could be more perfect than this moment? Only if everyone could find a place like this to dream.
Sitting by an ocean thinking of a dream I'd like to come true. Sitting on the jetty seeing the vastness of the water and watching the waves crash against the granite rocks. I feel the whispers of the salty water as it kisses my body. The water rolls back into the ocean toward another place where someone is dreaming. The sun, a giant orange blaze, setting in the sky covering the world in colors of reds, pinks, and blue. I think, what could possibly be better than this? I watch as a shrimp boat raises it's nets for the day and slowly drifts back home to port. The wind giving it a small tug as it blows all around and through my hair. I capture a glance of a dolphin coming up through the chopping waters. His grey skin shining in the sunset. Perhaps catching a glimpse of the beautiful world surrounding him. I close my eyes and smell the salty air and my soul is immediately calmed. I could stay in this exact moment for the rest of my life and be in heaven. What could be more perfect than this? Maybe sharing my dream with the world.

Poem: A Good Day

A Good Day

A clear mind, a clean shirt, a cool breeze. It's a good day. A sunny sky, a happy smile, a cheerful laugh and mommy I love you. The worry has ceased for now. Great tunes blasting, a pen and paper in hand, a big cushioned pillow. Relaxation is setting in. I'm free to wander where I will. No distractions, no illusions, no baggage to carry. No cleaning, no cooking, no chores whatsoever. I've got food in my fridge, a dollar in my pocket, and all the bills are paid. What more could I want! The love of a husband, the trust of my boys, my family, my friends shine through. It's been a good day. I'm not sure what the days to come will hold, but I will make it through with the memories and the promise of another good day.

A lesson hopefully learned

A friend emailed me today and told me a story about a family that just moved in next door to her. She explained that both the parents have been laid off and they have an 18 month old son to take care of. The only person in the household currently working is a sister who lives with them, she has an infant daughter. Neither the 18 mth. old or the infant have properly fitting clothes or toys to play with. My friend told me this story because she knows I have a 3yr. old and that I would love to help this family. So, I went through the process of cleaning out my little mans drawers and closet (a chore that was way overdue) and came across some clothes to donate. Next, I sat my little man down and told him the same story my friend told me. I cut out a lot of the grown up details he wouldn't understand, of coarse. This is how the conversation went, ''William, how do you think we can help this little boy?".......W: " I don't know momma"....." Do you remember mommy saying that the little boy doesn't have any toys to play with?".....W:"Yes."......."Both Lane and Yourself have so many toys to play with, right?"......W: "Yes."......" I think it's important that we help this little boy and share something with him that we don't need anymore. Is there something that we could give this little boy to make him happy?".....W: "Yes, Lane!"......."Well, we can't give your brother to him. Lane stays here with us. I was asking if there was a toy that we could give this little boy to help him?".......W: "Why?"........"The little boys mommy and daddy can't buy him toys, they don't have enough dollars to buy toys for him.( he understands all about money) We are able to buy toys for you ,so It's important to help others when we can. Do you understand?"......W: "Yes."........"What toy can we give to this little boy to help him and make him happy?".......W:" I don't know, maybe Lane."........"Honey, we can't give him your brother. Do you want to help out this little boy who doesn't have any toys to play with?".......W:"Yes, I want to help little boy."........."OK, do you want me to pick out a toy?"......W:"No, I pick out Lane's toy."......"Well, we need to pick out a toy that both of you play with. "........W: "Why momma?" (By this time, I was having major regrets about this conversation) "Lane is a baby and he can't tell us if he wants to give this toy away or not. So, we pick out a toy that both of you play with to be fair.".......W:"OK momma, we help out the little boy."( he picks up a baby toy, sheesh!)W:" Is this good?"........"Yes baby, lets go put it in the box to send to him. I am so proud of you!"(we give each other a high five) I TRULY don't believe I went about this lesson in giving to others very well at all, but somehow he understood the message I was trying to send. I know I've got a long way to go in raising compassionate, giving, non selfish children, but at this point I can only hope to plant that seed.

Poem: Awakening

I wrote this poem in 2005


Awakening

I sit in the grass still crunchy and brown from winters past freeze. As I look toward the setting sun, it casts soft pink light that coats the landscape. Warmth radiates from the orange blaze that is peeking above the trees. I close my eyes and feel the breathe of wind gently stir my hair and caress my skin. My mind is clear and I concentrate on my surroundings. The rustling of the trees fill my ears and I can hear birds singing their last song for the day. It's such a beautiful sound. I feel lucky to witness the last hours before nightfall when the earth is getting ready to slumber. This is when I choose to pray. This is when I feel closest to god. Goosebumps raise on my flesh and I know I'm no longer alone. I feel the presence of another. They sit beside me and enfold me with their silkiness. I open my eyes and realize my purpose. To live and love with every fiber of my being. To learn and experience what I can before I go. I've been given new eyes and I see the world like never before. It's more beautiful than I ever imagined. As I feel the presence take it's leave, I whisper "Thank you". Soft silkiness still envelopes me and I know I'll never really be alone. The sun, now barely peeking over the horizon has painted the sky with red and purple. I'm eternally grateful for this chance to start anew, grateful for the people in my life. I'm ready to go forward and I anticipate the coming of a new day.

Back home

Just got back from a trip visiting my in-laws in Austin, which is the town we just moved from. My hubby was off for a few days and the boys were missing there Maw Maw and Paw Paw so, we decided to go. It was a really good trip. One of the days, my husband and I managed to get away for a little while to catch lunch and a movie. Its been a LOOONNNNGGG time since I've been to a movie theater, 3 years to be exact! As a matter of fact, its been a LLLLOOOONNNNGGGG time since I went anywhere without kids in tow. We chose to eat at Wendy's. I know it's not very romantic but we went there simply because I like the place but, it's also because we don't have one where we live now. Then, we went to watch Transformers 2. It was a pretty awesome movie. This day made the whole trip worth it. Just to be able to spend some time out doing things we don't normally get to do without the kids. I really appreciate my in-laws watching my rugrats for awhile and allowing me the time. I'll need the memories of that day to get me through until I can have another one! Not to mention that they cooked some really, really good brisket for us. We had a great time but, I am definitly glad to be back in my own home tonight. Like Dorothy said,"There's no place like home".

I need to be her again

I was lying next to my oldest son rubbing his back and trying to get him to settle down for the night, just as we always do, when I really took notice of a picture next to his bed. It was a picture of me from about 8 years ago. I took a really good look at the picture and realized something. I was hot.....I really looked damn good! I don't understand why all of a sudden after so many years of thinking I was fat, that I can see I wasn't at all. After this fact sunk into my worn out brain, I also realized I'd give anything to look like that again. I need to be her again......that awesome girl with the red curls flowing down and the huge smile, the bright happy blue eyes. The eyes staring back from the picture are not the eyes I see in the bathroom mirror. Mine have this sad, exhausted look to them. I don't smile like that anymore, I can't because it makes my double chin that much more obvious. I can't wear anything close to the outfit I had on in the picture. It was my favorite outfit. My hair is not that glorious because I'm so down on myself, I don't give it the attention it deserves. I need to be her again.... she had so much confidence in her body and in herself, it radiates straight through the glass and out every corner of the frame. I don't even know what confidence is or even feels like any more for that matter. What happened? I mean....I know I was pregnant with two beautiful boys but that's not an excuse. I know I don't get out much but , it doesn't mean this should have happened. What happened to the girl in the picture? Where did she go? I need to be her again. I need to be healthy and beautiful. I need to take care of myself and break out into a smile and bear my pearly whites. I need to be fit and as fashionable as my budget will allow. How to do it? How do I turn me into her? Then, right when I was about to get all depressed and maybe even shed a tear..... I hear snoring. My oldest has fallen asleep.

Pavement- a poem

Pavement
I've come upon this old dirt road. It's just as others have described it. Dusty, Rocky, and incredibley long. I've tried to avoid this road, but unmistakably I'm here. The decisions I've made have not mattered, the choices did not change a thing. Something led me here. Somehow I was destined for this path. I've been walking for a few months now. Still the same scenery around every turn, over every hill. Although there is nothing but dust surrounding me, I know there's got to be an end. There's nothing but the whisper of the wind, but soon I will hear laughter. It seems I'm the only one around, I know I'm not alone. God is walking beside me. Others before me have made it through, others after me will too. I try to smile through the tears and think of fond memories to fade my fears. I try to have some patience, I do my best to go on. Sometimes I call out for help, but I know I must accomplish this myself. I've got to replenish my soul, I've got to fill my lungs with a fresh breath. I just hope, I just pray that I will see pavement soon.

Can't believe it's Sunday

So, I went outside to check the mail after lunch today to find the mailbox empty( we typically get a lot of mail). Now, why do you think that is? HMMMM.....lets see. GRRRR! I keep forgetting that today is Sunday. I know to a normal person.... it would obviously be Sunday, especially since we just had a MAJOR holiday. I'm not normal though, at least I don't think so. I don't have a calendar hanging anywhere in sight to remind me of the day and we don't have normal work weeks. My cell phone(which I carry all the time) has a calender on the screen, but I never can remember that. My hubby( his name is Aaron) works a weird schedule.....and to me, the weekends happen on his days off.(He had to work last night and tonight.) That's when we go visiting people and run most of our errands. Plus I'm currently a stay-at-home mommy and it's pretty easy to loose track of time when you don't have to be somewhere important. I remember the days when I was running crazy to be out the door and I don't miss them. Yet, I do miss the adult interaction I received when at work. My little man (William) is 3yrs. old and use to be in Child Care which is where I use to work. He also doesn't miss the early mornings and crazy rush, but just like me....he misses the interaction. I've been trying to find things in our area to get him involved in, but I haven't had too much luck. It has to be after lunch since we can't seem to make it out the door before then! I did sign him up for a tumbling class at a gym right down the road and he LOOOVVVVEEEESSSS it. Only thing is.....it's only one hour, one day a week. It's not enough. He's turned into a crazy, fit throwing, toy stealing, aggressive mess. He even told me he wanted to go back to school. I said, "We will talk about it later". I've continued saying it. One of these days, we will actually have to talk about it. Anyways.....I am glad I eventually got a hold of myself long enough to remember the day because tomorrow is trash day. We absolutly can't forget trash day. Plus, he goes to tumbling on Mondays and if I forgot to bring him....like I said earlier, that's all he has.

Here I am

Well, i'm all set up with nothing to say...how about that. Its the 4th of July and i'm sitting here with two screaming kids. Husband is working...no BBQ or fireworks.
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~Birds of a feather~