Williams' Surgery

Many of you know my little man had a surgery yesterday to remove his tonsils and adenoids. A really common surgery that always yields the same great results. Why then, knowing the facts, did I cry when they took my baby away? I blubbered like a fool! To my relief, the surgery lasted 20 minutes long and I was back with him again. Talk about one peeved kid, it took four of us just to get the IV out of his hand! We got him home and made him as comfortable as we could. Well, in no time at all, he was playing with his toys and eating everything in sight. He is doing awesome. It's a fight to get him to take the medicine, but we manage. He goes through periods of grogginess, then he regains his energy and is back to normal. It's during one of these groggy periods that he did something so unbelievably funny. Lane and William were eating these purple yogurt bites that melt in your mouth when Lane decided to smash some on Williams leg. William was so out of it that he didn't realize what Lane had done. Once he did realize though, he freaked out. He began to cry and tell me he has a boo boo and it hurts. I tried to explain to him that it was food and we could get a towel to clean it off, but he just wouldn't believe me. The poor kid was so upset about the surgery, I guess he thought new boo boos are appearing everywhere! He was hysterical and would not let me get close to his leg at all. The funniest part though is when he began limping away from me to keep me from touching it. He was so convinced he had a boo boo, he was limping! I could not stop laughing. I just left it on his leg and held him tight in my arms. Later, when he had calmed down and was more hisself, we cleaned it off his leg together.

Poem: Storm

I just wrote this a few hours ago. This is something I have actually done in the past and tonights' thunderstorm reminded me of the experience.

Storm

I smell the rain upon the air, so sweet to the senses.
I feel it in the cool breeze whirling all around me.
I hear the gentle whoosh of the trees as they begin to dance.
The leaves rustle as they skip across the ground.
A gentle clap of thunder roars in the distance warning me of the storms' impending assault.
Streaks of lightening follow close behind brightening the landscape.
Everything darkens, and yet I stay to watch.
So beautiful is this change, such wondrous music nature produces.
I wait.
I listen.
Finally, I feel it.
It falls cold and wet upon my skin.
Soaking my body, plastering my hair to my face, and yet I stay.
So cleansing to my soul, refreshing to my spirit.
I feel as one with the storm, meeting it face to face.
I feel, I am calling upon nature to heal me.
I feel, I am the storm.

Quotes

Here's a couple quotes I wrote recently:




Behold, this is me. All of me outside and in. Behold, this is
my life. This is how I survive. Take me as I am, that's all I ask. Love me no matter what, that's all I need.

Aug. 2009





An infectious giggle, a big toothy grin. A tender touch and
"Mommy, I love you". Sloppy kisses, giant hugs, and Goodnight Moon. The unconditional love of a child.

Aug. 2009


Something to think about

I wanted to get some opinions about something I've been thinking about doing. Since I can't seem to get a job doing anything else in this bad economy and I want to contribute something to my family, I was thinking about writing books. Now, I have no idea about what the content will hold or how to even go about writing a book, but I was thinking, it never hurts to try. I seem to be getting some good feedback on my writing and I've always kind of wanted to be a writer of some sort. I would appreciate any kind of advice or just give me your opinion. I know it's a long and hard process to get a book published but I will be willing to try it. I've already checked into publishing my poetry but I've found out there is no money in it. Maybe I could combine my poetry with whatever the subject is that I'm writing about. This blog has helped enormously by building my confidence in my writing skills and I'm so glad I started it. It has given me the opportunity to share a part of myself with everyone that you may not have known I possessed. I will keep everyone updated on my progress with this if there is any!

Lane

It seems like only yesterday I was holding Lane in my arms for the first time. Admiring his red hair and blue eyes, watching him sleep peacefully as he sucked on his fingers, rocking him and gently stroking his soft skin. Now, he is on the verge of walking. He took over ten steps today! He rearranges my kitchen chairs every chance he gets. He is saying mama, baba (bottle), nana (food), dada, and ha (hi). He loves to sing and dance. He gets into everything he can and laughs the whole time. He is learning how to throw a tantrum, you know, throwing his self backwards and screaming at the top of his lungs. He is sooo very smart. I am so proud of him, but yet I want to cry. He is going to turn a year old in less than a month. Where has the time gone? I feel like I haven't had a whole lot of time to enjoy him being a baby, and now it's almost gone. I feel bad for him (although he doesn't know better) that I didn't get to spend the time playing with him and doting on him like I did his brother. I understand and have been told that this is normal with the second child and any others that may come after that. It still doesn't make me feel any better. As I was rocking him tonight, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He is such a beautiful boy. I examined every inch of his face, little hands, and chubby feet with my eyes. I stroked his soft skin like I use to do and gently gave him kisses all over. I always make it a point to tell both my boys that I love them each day every chance I get. I hope they remember that, no matter what age they are. I'm not ready to reach this milestone, I'm not ready to admit that soon he will be a toddler. There is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it, but how do I slow it down? Just for this month, that's all I ask. I'm trying my best to spend more time with him, to sit and play with him on the floor. I'm looking directly into his eyes and giving him my undivided attention while giving him his bottle. Like I said earlier, I know he won't realize my efforts. It will make this worried mom feel better though. I don't ever want my boys to doubt my love, I will do what I can to see to that.

My two troublemakers



I love my little guys! They are my world, my life, my everything. I didn't realize how incomplete I was until I held them in my arms for the first time. They have taught me so much about myself. I am a better person inside and out because of them. They have taught me the importance of family and the true meaning of love. They have taught me patience (god knows you need it with these two!) I've learned to not judge others so harshly because it's there heart and soul that matters the most. I've learned that time is precious, spend every minute of it with the ones that you love. It flies by so quickly and you miss the little things in life that are so important. They have taught me to appreciate nature through their love of the outdoors. Everything is an adventure and no rock goes unturned. No leaf goes uninvestigated. No sand tastes too yucky to eat! Their little faces light up when they come across some new bug or animal, they are in total awe of the world. I've learned that the dishes can stay dirty for another couple hours and the clothes can stay in the dryer for one more day because building with blocks is so much more fun! I learned that the 5 second rule can really be stretched to 10 seconds because it still tastes good ( hence the love to eat dirt). They have showed me that singing, dancing and acting silly can be stress relieving (it can also double as exercise). My little guys are so smart and wonderful. William is really becoming aware of other peoples' feelings and how certain actions and words can affect them. For example: today I was sitting in the recliner with my eyes closed and my hand on my head. William comes up to me, puts his hand on top of mine very gently and says" Are you ok baby? Do you need me to get you something?"....I said... " No honey, I'm ok. Mommy just has a headache." William says..."Oh, I will help you". He walks into the kitchen and grabs something off the counter. When he comes back, he's holding a bag of M&M's and says..."Here you go mommy. Eat some of these and they will make you feel better". I said..."Thank you so much William." I ate a few M&M's. William starts lightly patting me on the arm and then says..."Are you feeling better honey?". I was so proud of him. I had the biggest smile on my face. Now, my redheaded Lane on the other hand can be a real handful but he has his own little gestures to show me he loves me. He will rub my arm when I'm rocking him to sleep or he will pat me on the back when I'm holding him. Just typing these words and telling you this story brings tears to my eyes. I love these two little troublemakers! They give me a lot of grief but the moment I look into their eyes and see the love shining through, makes every minute worth it. It makes every tantrum and every "no momma" null and void. My brain does a mass delete on all the times I just wanted to pull my hair and run out the door screaming! Yes, it does get that crazy sometimes. Every bit of it is worth it. I feel so lucky to have them in my life. I feel so blessed to be able to hold and cuddle with them in my arms, to tell them every day that I love them. I don't ever take them for granted. I do however, take them to their Meemaws house so I can get a much needed break!




New Background

So how do you like my new background? Let me know. I'm still experimenting with it. I'm trying to make it more pleasing to the eye!

Poem: Wings

This is how I often pictured my entrance into heaven.

Wings

Rising, floating above the trees with mighty feathered wings. Sailing, soaring, feeling free, flying in the autumn breeze. Winds whirling, whipping, carrying me to places as I dream. Rays of the setting sun spreading, bathing the land as far as I can see. Ascending from this world to colors I can't fathom. I'm stripped of my pain and filled with love and enthusiasm. My secrets, my worries falling away. I've found a new world that gives me confidence and strength. A voice coming from deep within my soul whispers emotionally. I've entered heaven enveloped in mighty feathered wings of white lace.

my little redhead


I believe bull fighting would probably be easier than getting my little redhead down for the night. He didn't go to sleep until 10:45. He cried and kicked, fought and squirmed with all his little might. He screamed and pushed and acted like I was beating him. Lane must be preparing me for something because after a full day of taking care of him, everything else seems like a breeze. Within the time span of an hour, he can have this entire house declared a national disaster. I dread having to give him medicine, more ends up on me and his clothes than in his mouth. Now, I know you are saying that these things happen with every kid but should it take two full grown adults to give a 10mth. old a teaspoon of medicine? Should a 10mth old be hitting and teasing a 3yr. old. I know my parents are smiling right now because I probably gave them hell, but let me tell you, the devil his self would be scared of my baby! The point of this is, I'm way too tired to be writing any poems tonight. I need all the energy I can get to keep up with this little guy.

Poem: Out of control thoughts

I wrote this an hour ago......


Out of control thoughts

I lay in darkness, eyes closed, in the confines of my room.
Crickets softly chirping outside my window under the cover of night.
My mind races with thoughts out of my control.
Sleep will not come.
These thoughts come from deep within, my untold secrets of the soul.
I do not understand why they won't leave me; why they won't go?
They are trapped inside, pushing forward to be seen.
Playing one by one like a slide show.
The desires of my heart surface, tempting me.
Wishes unfolding before my eyes.
I redirect and say my prayers to god.
Smiling, I picture my family but my worrisome brain comes alive.
Sleep will not come.
Pondering life and all that's in it, also the things we have yet to pass.
Digging deep into my soul, an emotion breaks through.
Salty tears flowing freely, I feel so alone.
I lay in darkness, crying eyes closed, in the confines of my room.
An owl hoots softly upon it's perch beneath the never ending sky.
My mind races with thoughts out of my control.
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~Birds of a feather~