Finding the way back - Pt 2

She feels alone with her thoughts as if she resides in her own small world. A world where emotions flow within the breeze and words penned on paper hang from the air. Loneliness has invaded her being. It's a loneliness that yearns for friendly companionship. Day after day, she moves behind these walls caring for her family and home. Taking pride in her accomplishments, but never completely fulfilled. Day after day, she searches to connect with others on a level she can relate to.

A need to vent, to gossip, to laugh with another who understands her; another who will always be there when called upon. She hopes for a friend who will listen to her stories; who will read the words she puts to paper without judgment. A friend who can offer a bit of advice. She needs another who will assist her in escaping the walls that confine her... if only for a moment.

"Life without a friend is death without a witness" author unknown

This woman currently lives for others only, but she dreams of living a little for herself.


Trials and Tribulations

 Thinking back... I replay all the amazing moments that have shaped my life over the past year. A couple of the more important ones are the birth of my sweet baby boy and my wonderful family and friends who always have my back. Then, I write about them. Not this time...  this year will be different.  I've realized there are other reasons I should be thankful. Something that I normally wouldn't be grateful for...

 The year 2011 has been a troublesome one. I haven't meet one person who has not been affected by the economy in some form. My family in particular has been struggling financially (among other things) . There were many times I didn't know how we would make it through the week. I would secretly cry in the middle of the night as the rest of the world slept. The phone would often ring continuously because we were afraid to answer it. Worry and anxiety replaced all other emotions. We lived paycheck to paycheck... day to day. I honed in on my acting skills and made like everything was just great when family and friends would inquire. It was a year plagued with struggles. For this, I am thankful.

 I know it sounds crazy... but you know the phrase "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

 Due to the hardships we endured, we were forced to make an important (and extremely scary) decision that has essentially changed our lives. If it wasn't for those struggles, we wouldn't be where we are today. We can breathe, we can smile... we can honestly say we are happy. Life threw us a challenge and we totally kicked it's butt! I feel such a sense of accomplishment and for once I feel... well, I feel like I finally know what I'm doing. I learned a very important life lesson this year. Have patience and everything will fall into place. It definitely has and it's only going to get better!


Finding the way back

Not long ago, there was a quiet and very confused teenage girl pushing her way through life as if she was stuck in quicksand. This girl grew fast and is now an outspoken and even more confused woman who feels that her life resembles a revolving door.

This womans' dreams have not changed much over the years. Due mostly to the fact that they have not transpired. Her passion for writing still burns through her fingertips. She feels too deeply and loves, perhaps, too much. The evidence can be seen on her emotionally wrought face, it can be read in the words that she writes.  Hunger for life seeps from her eyes. Always wanting more, always striving for a positive change. Her damaged self esteem has not yet begun to heal. Thus her heart remains in chains.

This woman... she holds onto hope still; latching onto the good surrounding her. Enveloping her entire being around her three beautiful, little souls. Desperately clawing her way to finding peace within. A peace that can produce a calm in her life, an ease that will allow her to really LIVE.


Veterans Day lesson

While driving home today, after picking W up from Kindergarten, he told me he wanted to bring a toy he won by participating in a fundraiser to school the next day so he could show his friends. I explained to him that he didn't have school on Friday because of the Veterans Day holiday. Naturally, W wanted to know what Veterans Day was and why it was a holiday. So I explained.

We talked about the different branches of the military and exactly what a veteran was. I explained how Veterans Day is the day we honor our veterans and those who are currently serving our country. We even talked about W's Papa who use to work on A10's while in the Air Force. He asked a lot of questions and genuinely seemed interested (as well as slightly confused at times) which made me extremely happy (not about the confused part!). W even recited most of The Pledge of Allegiance for me which surprised me. I wasn't aware he knew it!

As we pulled into the driveway, I asked him what he thought about our conversation and if he would like to learn more about Veterans Day. His response was "Mom, I can make funny noises out of my nose... gnee, gnee, gnee."

Well... I tried! I guess I bored him more than I thought, I forget how short his attention span is.

Happy Veterans Day to those who served and are serving our country. Thank You!


Unknown Memories

Haunting my dreams,
you stand tall amongst the sky.
Bold and Strong
A dark structure
in an unknown time.
I feel education seeping through
aged wood.
In total comfort I roam.
Walking in your midst,
I admire your facade with love.
Sitting in a field of weeds
and yellow daises,
you dominate my mind.
Manifesting, tormenting
I know this place;
I know not why.


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~Birds of a feather~