My give a damn is busted



 Something happened to me this past year. The year after I turned 30 yrs old. I wasn't completely aware of my new found skill until a few months ago. Realization came in bits and pieces until someone  recently brought it out in me... and out in the open.

 I use to be this shy, quiet girl who kept to myself. Hidden away in my room with a book, blocking out the world. I'm older now, but I still generally keep to myself. I'm still quiet and cringe at the thought of being surrounded by strangers. I have a tendency to veer away from negative confrontation and  I panic if someone is angry with me. I'm like a bomb with an extremely long fuse... it takes a lot to set me off, but once you do you soon regret it!

 Before I came to my senses, I cared way too much about other peoples opinions and not enough on the one that mattered most... my own. I was allowing others to run my life by letting them influence my decisions, some of them being life altering. I allowed my feelings to be manipulated by wearing my heart on my sleeve. They knew how to pull and tug at my heartstrings. By not wanting to hurt anothers' feelings, I was sinking deeper into a depression. Finally, I snapped and the light bulb over my head came on.

 So, what is this new skill I speak of? Well...  I woke up one day and discovered that my give a damn was busted and I couldn't be happier!

 Now, I don't hold my thoughts in. It feels great to freely express my opinion and make decisions for my family and I without worrying what everyone else thinks. Guilt trips no longer have an affect on me. That's right... I'm totally immune now. I do what I have to and if someone doesn't like that... OH WELL! I still listen and take the advice of my family and friends. I'm not rude or negative. I don't raise my voice or judge others. I will, however, do what I think is best. I will defend myself and my decisions. Especially when it comes to my children. I am an adult... I am my own person who has a life and family of my own. I am ultimately responsible for myself therefore only I should have control.

Whew.....

 As the days draw closer to my 31st birthday (June 20th), I ponder more about my past. I can see how far I've come and fully embrace my personal growth. It's been a long road and a hard lesson to learn, but I've reached that mile marker!


Dana


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10 comments:

  1. You've got all the emotions and wisdom in this piece to make a powerful poem, too. Nice job, Dana.

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    1. Thanks! I just might have to accept that challenge!

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  2. way ahead of me! i voice opinions, but can't quite not care what others think yet. mad props!

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    1. Thanks! It took some time and one rude comment for the light bulb to come on... but I'm so glad it did!

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  3. That, right there, is exactly why growing older is so brilliant. If you’re feeling like this at 30, you’ll be unstoppable in a few years! :)

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    1. I certainly hope so! I still have a ways to go, but I'm getting there. Thanks for stopping by.

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  4. woohoo...good for you...there is a freeing that happens when that happens to you...my thirties were much like that as well..

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    1. Tell me about it! I feel so much more at peace. Thanks for coming by!

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  5. This is awesome! More people should write about how turning 30, heck, even growing older isn't scary and it's about living life without all those guilt trips and controlling people.

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~ Walt Whitman

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