Taking In You


Photo credit: carygrant from morguefile.com




Deeply
Taking in you
Rapidly shuddering
Overtaken by your presence
Essence

Dana




~ Writing Cinquains for dVerse Poets Pub - Form For All
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29 comments:

  1. well now...there is a nice heat to this one...i think....heheh...not a bad overtaking...smiles.

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    1. Thanks Brian! Definitely different than what I usually write, but hey... always good to try something new!

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  2. Enjoyed very much your use of words here. Especiall 'presence' and 'essence' which made your cinquain sing!

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    1. Thank you Mary! I'm not good with form writing, but I wanted to give this one a go!

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    2. Oh, I think you are good indeed! Do not sell yourself short.

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    3. I really appreciate that! I tend to shy away from it, but I think I'll continue to try and push out of my comfort zone.

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  3. Lovely play of words specially presence & essence ~

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  4. Presence followed by essence... very nice.

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  5. Wonderful - and I like the last two lines too.

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    1. The last two lines came to mind first... basically my inspiration.

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  6. Liked the assonance of the last words.

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  7. This is a sexy read, and a lot of fun.

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    1. I had a lot of fun writing this one! Thanks!!

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  8. Overtaken is quite a nice word here! :)

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    1. It's how I'd love to feel! Thanks Margaret!!

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  9. Ah so sweet, and the wordplay on essence and precense is so nice.

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    1. Thank you very much! I appreciate you stopping in to read!

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    2. Loved your choice of words and the picture that accompanies the poem. It makes you feel warm and loved.

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  10. Everyone else has commented on the presence/essence assonance, which is delightful, so I guess I have to find something else to say :-)

    I think this cinquain is really special because the same set of words have two possible meanings (at least). Most people have picked up on the sensual/sexual meaning, but I find that there is a spiritual interpretation here too. Riches indeed from only 22 syllables.

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    1. YES!! I'm so glad you pointed that out! I had both in mind when I began writing this... the last two sentences being the first that I wrote. I wanted it to be interpreted both ways... but when writing it I definitely had the spiritual side of connecting with someone in mind! Thanks!

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  11. I think the photo leads one in the sensual direction but I felt the spiritual connection..oops a rhyme...I like that you wrote the last two lines first then added the rest ;)

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  12. hmmm nice... that's the kind of being overtaken that i have no objections against....smiles

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