Lane

It seems like only yesterday I was holding Lane in my arms for the first time. Admiring his red hair and blue eyes, watching him sleep peacefully as he sucked on his fingers, rocking him and gently stroking his soft skin. Now, he is on the verge of walking. He took over ten steps today! He rearranges my kitchen chairs every chance he gets. He is saying mama, baba (bottle), nana (food), dada, and ha (hi). He loves to sing and dance. He gets into everything he can and laughs the whole time. He is learning how to throw a tantrum, you know, throwing his self backwards and screaming at the top of his lungs. He is sooo very smart. I am so proud of him, but yet I want to cry. He is going to turn a year old in less than a month. Where has the time gone? I feel like I haven't had a whole lot of time to enjoy him being a baby, and now it's almost gone. I feel bad for him (although he doesn't know better) that I didn't get to spend the time playing with him and doting on him like I did his brother. I understand and have been told that this is normal with the second child and any others that may come after that. It still doesn't make me feel any better. As I was rocking him tonight, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He is such a beautiful boy. I examined every inch of his face, little hands, and chubby feet with my eyes. I stroked his soft skin like I use to do and gently gave him kisses all over. I always make it a point to tell both my boys that I love them each day every chance I get. I hope they remember that, no matter what age they are. I'm not ready to reach this milestone, I'm not ready to admit that soon he will be a toddler. There is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it, but how do I slow it down? Just for this month, that's all I ask. I'm trying my best to spend more time with him, to sit and play with him on the floor. I'm looking directly into his eyes and giving him my undivided attention while giving him his bottle. Like I said earlier, I know he won't realize my efforts. It will make this worried mom feel better though. I don't ever want my boys to doubt my love, I will do what I can to see to that.